Prof. Beef

Usually, when Dr. Meat takes a date to AM/PM, he and his woman grab a half dozen corndogs and a jumbo, sixty-four-ounce Coke with two straws.  But this time, The Burger Guys visited with a purpose beyond merely courting the opposite sex.  This is a comprehensive review site for burgers.  If we must wallow in the mud with our readers, we will.  Even though our next review may be of Wolfgang Puck's Los Angeles restaurant, Spago, we have an obligation to serve the needs of all our readers, regardless of how degrading that may be.  

While I would not even buy gas at a facility that doesn't check under the hood, Meat knew exactly where to go and what to do for this review.  Our cheeseburgers were located beneath the chicken sandwiches, directly in front of the beer rack.  As we reached the hot tray and pulled out our foil-wrapped lunch, the counter attendant informed us that they had just put it in and that it was extra fresh.  

The very small, thin "all-beef" patty had a smoky, almost breakfast-pork-sausage flavor.   It was slightly better than several of the "Big 5” burgers.  This Jr. High School-sized burger came complete with a slice of melted American process cheese.  The bun was an airy, inexpensive imitation of a Wonder-type bun.   

Since this cheeseburger came naked, Meat had to walk me over to the condiment bar, and we applied our white onion pieces, catsup, mustard, and relish.  While I am no fan of restaurants that require customers to dress up for their meals, at least I didn't have to spend the first ten minutes scraping off a truckload of mayo.  

AM/PM does not sell fries, and when I asked about this omission, the helpful clerk firmly stated that they don't serve that "frozen crap" and handed me a bag of Doritos.   

Point Total
  21

Dr. Meat

I know what you are thinking, "Why would a couple of sophisticated experts like yourselves go to AM/PM?"  For the burger of course!  We resolved to leave no bun unturned.  Sure it self serve, you have to put on your own condiments, and it is a little on the small side, but hey it was two for $.99 cents! 

The cheeseburger was a hot patty that was a frozen jobbie complete with a slice of processed American cheese (food??), an inexpensive Wonder like bun (now I know where all the bread companies that used to fill the generic aisles in the eighties, go to sell their product), and that's it.

The condiment bar was small and really limiting, but I thought to myself how amazingly clean it was.  There were no pickles in the onions, the mustard dispenser didn't had those dried mustard boogers on them, and the napkins were large and plenty for the taking. Although the lack of fries at this establishment seriously lowers the score, I don't think I would've wanted their version of a fry anyway.

The one impressive thing about AM/PM is the soda fountain and the prices that go along with it.  In some establishments you ask for a large and they give you a thimble of Coke for $1.89!  At AM/PM you can purchase the Exxon Valdez of Coke (that is precisely mixed to perfection) for under a buck. 

 If I were stuck in traffic, and I wanted a quick "gut-bomb" that's not slopping over with mayo-mustard-catsup, and I wanted a big Coke I would go to AM/PM for their version of the no frills Drive In Burger ( complete with foil wrap).